She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
