I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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