You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
