Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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