Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
