"it" just moved
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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