i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize