boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
