I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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