the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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