Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
