i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
