she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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