i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize