i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
