can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
