This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
