I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
