its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
