so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
