Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
