I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
