worst night to have a conscience
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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