you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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