Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
