Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
