My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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