Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
