Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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