There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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