3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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