I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
