I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
