"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
