okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
