Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Actions speak louder than pants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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