You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
