He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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