I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
