we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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