i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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