I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
