hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
