I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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