Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
