Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
