I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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