The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize