all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
