Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
