Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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