that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
