Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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