come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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