I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
