i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
