Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
