Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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