Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
