He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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