Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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