so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
