We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
