I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
