This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
