'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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