i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
