I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
