Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
