I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
