STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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