You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
