Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
