Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize