Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
